Three months to die

Date: February 16th, 2008
Place: My desk
Time: 17:28:47

TOP CHRONO!




Here we go. I have decided to fight it for the upcoming three months. That's the deadline I set. That's what I've been dreading for a few years.
Now, I am facing it. It has to end. I need to be in a new or old but definitely a different world.

How did I lose her???

We were so close. I recall. I used to function together and I failed her one day. I don't seem to remember when that occurred. It doesn't matter. She faded away. I missed her since.
she was Elitist. She was perfection on two legs. She wouldn't give a draft. She would always hand the final complete version.
She was restless. she was sharp, yet humble. She still is.
Perhaps, that is what remains of her...
Today, she is resurrecting. Enough burying me alive she said.
I have to let her in again for without her I am not...

Myself, how I miss you.
I can't recall when I lost you but I am glad to have found you again.
It's weird. Absence changes us. It changes even our inner selves and on ne se reconnait plus.
But, we can work it out. For, you are me and I am you. We are bond to match. It's when we mismatch that we live hell.

So what?!! I don't belong here. Perhaps, here does not belong to me. Why do I have to bend to it?. Why wouldn't it suit me? I can make it do so. I have the tools. I got the power! But is it worthy...

Perhaps, we just belong together. We just keep ignoring it for change is dreadful. For adapting is consuming. Though, it is all worth a try.

Her life was never mundane. She always had high expectations...of herself. The impossible was not her solution set. She always saw through things. She always believed that what the brain could reach, existed, regardless of whether the eye could see, or the ear would hear, or the hand would touch. Our senses and our thoughts are separate entities.

Plus, she was his daughter.
He was everything but ordinary. He would always surprise his relatives and friends and coworkers and neighbours. He was very creative. He's learned from the school of life. Experience was his knowledgeable science of action.
He was the salt that gives taste to the life of those who loved him.
When he s not there. You easily sense the bitterness. and She was a feminine version of him. She was the sunshine that brightens her people's worlds. When she's not there, it's cloudy. It also rains when she hides away...and she did it quite often, recently. She hates it though. But we are all seasons. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we are dry, sometimes we are bright, sometimes we are fresh and sometimes we are not there...

So, she is back for three months, she said. Already back and heading to setting her deadlines and plans. It is not impossible, you know. Three months are enough of a lifetime to prosper and fulfill what three years wouldn't perhaps reach.
You are racing time and you better be smart for time knows where it's running and you do not. Time is lost when you limit it. Time is controlled when you attend the limit. You want to defeat it, you fail. You want to befriend it, you gain. Even an idiot would know what to choose except for suicidals, perhaps.

So, how does it work, I asked.
As time is rushing...Abstraction is the key. Focus is the process and action is the tool. Will is the fuel and brain is the engine.
You have your schema. Now let's work on it.
I smiled to hearing "let's"....She smiled back "you are not doing it alone this time". We are here.

Workaholic is our next position for the upcoming three months before you rest in peace. You know I don't rest, she added. I vanish or disappear when not satisfied. I can't promise to get back again for, where I come from is far and deep. Resurfacing requires divine energy and takes profound human strengths. Please, don't fail me this time. I will not say "again" for everything, even repetitive things are unique. At least they occur on their own time. So it is never again, "again" and we both smiled.

Here is the plan:

Abstraction: live in their world but only see yours. It is not selfish to coexist.
Live, underlines interaction. See underlines selection...for you can always close your eyes, thus not see! also you may pretend to...

Focus: avoid the enemy: distraction. For that, know well your enemy and shield away from it. It could be your friend, your worse enemy. That might hurt, but Time survives injuries. Befriend time and all your enemies fear you. Befriend time and you shall never lose a friend.


Her standards were so high that they seemed unreachable for the simpletons...Glory was her natural reward. Truth was her aim. Wisdom’s her eternal quest and mostly, justice’s her spleen of life.
Lies do not break her. Failure does not damage her, Silliness does not shame her but unfairness wounds her, might even extinguish her.
Therefore guilt would consume her alive and that's why she adopted rectitude and honesty as her communication tools. To truly hurt you is better than to falsely save you, she believed.

Life, the purpose of her life was not to exist or to prosper. she rather wanted achieving peace...peace of mind and a third gram of the wisdom divine...

(To be continued)

D.A